I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
