things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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