Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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