that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
