woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
