honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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