I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
