I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
