no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
