I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
