Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
