I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
