Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
