Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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