dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
