break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
