If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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