new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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