A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
