i think i scared a bird with my dick
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
