that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
