If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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