brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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