Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
