i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
