apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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