If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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