Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
