haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
