either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
