how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
