This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if only i could text you this smell
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
