I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
