As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
