I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
