i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
