There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
