you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
