he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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