and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
