I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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