I accidentally burped into my bong.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
