some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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