Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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