He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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