we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
