i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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