he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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