I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
