I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
