can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
