I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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